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About Varied / Hobbyist Member Raymond Paul Leslie19/Male/United States Recent Activity
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It's been a while since I've written on here. Oopsies. I seem to be doing this, and writing my diary, a lot less than I'd like to. But I've been internalizing a lot more than normal because it's said that 'as you grow up, the thing to do is just calm down and let things happen'. Lol. Why the fuck do I listen to people who say that? It always seems they've got the most issues anyway.

So, I'm in the mood tonight to talk about love. Who do I love exactly? I'm not sure.
I think I know, though.

His name is Derek and things are incredibly complicated. Stupid new age dating with the internet and stuff. I think it's the downfall of man in the sense that we meet amazing, life changing people and we can't always seem to get to them. Anyway, I've known him a little over 5 years. We used to chat on our Windows Live accounts or whatever lolol. That was before Skype was a big deal. So, yeah. It was great. He actually bought a webcam so I could see and hear him. He's weird. Like, one minute, he's talking about how shitty society can be. He gets kinda deep, talking about religion. Once, I remember he said he sits and thinks about the meaning of life and like, he gets there and he can't get past a wall in his mind. But yeah. We'll have deep conversations and totally expose ourselves emotionally, then we're making animal noises, talking about farts, and speaking in racially insensitive accents. I love that about him. I love the fact that he cares so much for me that he is thinking more rationally than I. But I hate that he doesn't grasp what we have like I do. I've been known to date around. I'm young and everything, but I've figured out long ago that I don't enjoy the dating scene. I don't wanna go on a ton of dates with guys and have them go absolutely nowhere. You know? Who the fuck wants that?! Lol. Not this homie. So, I've got some experience. Plus, my older sisters tell me a lot. And I don't care what anyone says; you can take a lot away from movies and TV. It's entertainment, yes... but you can learn. But I've got knowledge. I know how guys are... and I know where I stand with many men. It's not an easy thing to find someone you have genuine chemistry with. I sometimes feel like I have to pull a conversation out of a guy, especially when they're all like 'Lol', 'Yea', 'Ok'... ugh. Texting is awful. But with Derek, it's like... I don't need to try. I don't have to force conversation. 'Soooo, how's the weather?' never happens with us. We talk for hours and don't even realize it's been hours. And honestly... they're some of the best hours I've had. I look forward to my dumb phone chiming 'CALL FROM DEREK SMITH'. 

I know this is so angsty, but he gets me. It's like we're on the same wavelength sometimes. We've even completed thoughts and sentences for each other before. Lol. It just says a lot. Maybe that's the romantic comedy part of me speaking... the sappy, Disney Princess drenched part of my brain. But what's so wrong with believing in something? Believing in a guy and a relationship (or whatever this is)? I don't ever believe in much, not even myself at times. But when I talk to him, I feel like anything might be possible. God, I sound like the inner monologue of a Drew Barrymore or Katherine Heigl movie... but it's true. He gives me faith.

And I even like when we're about to get off the phone and he says 'I love talking with you, as always' because I know what he means. He doesn't even have to say it. I think that's what love is sometimes. You just know it when you feel it. 

But I won't lie to you... I want more. And I can only be so hopeful, but I'm not sure everything with Derek will work out. 
I guess that's life, though. 
  • Mood: Hope
  • Listening to: Purple Rain - Prince & the Revolution

deviantID

Gizardofmars
Raymond Paul Leslie
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Hola senors and senoritas... or maybe senoras? I dunno. I failed Spanish twice.
ANYWAY. I'm Raymond and I'm 19 and this is my DeviantART thing and I'm going to say and a few more times and you're going to like it. And.
I am mostly inspired by 80s culture, but I do take a ton of inspiration from the likes of Lana Del Rey. I also like pizza, penis, 80s horror films, and jokes about tampons and queefing. Any questions?
Oh! I also make movies with Barbies... well, made. I guess I lost my drive to do that long ago, but still maintain that I haven't entirely severed my creative spirit. Okay bye now like my shit okay bye again. Bye. xoxoxo
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:icondemon-sebastian:
Demon-Sebastian Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Happy Birthday~!!! I hope you have a wonderful day~!! <3 :)
Reply
:iconrossk559:
RossK559 Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2013
Thanks For Sexually Harassing Me
On Facebook, Thanks To You
And Others I Am NOW GOING TO SEE A THERAPIST ABOUT SELF HARMING
I HAVE LOST EVERYTHING 
JUST WANT TO LET U KNOW
BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE 
YOU I MIGHT  BE DEAD BY THE END OF THE YEAR 
U BASTARD 
Reply
:iconrossk559:
RossK559 Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013
[link]
This Really Means A Lot
Thank You :)
Reply
:iconrossk559:
RossK559 Featured By Owner May 29, 2013
Well You Have My Total Attention Now, I'm Not Quite Sure If I've Got Yours Though. Hello?
Reply
:icongizardofmars:
Gizardofmars Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
o.o I don't know you.
Reply
:iconrossk559:
RossK559 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013
Perhaps Not Just Yet Then :(
Sorry I Commented On A Couple Of Your Pics :) I'm Sorry :'(
Reply
:iconrossk559:
RossK559 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013
And Of Course You Don't Know Me, Alot Of People Don't Want To Know Me :'( Cause In My Life I Am One Of Those People That Don't Blend In With Everyone Else :'( Different That's Me
Lonely, Angry, Strange,
Reply
:iconfluffyspikes:
FluffySpikes Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hey my friend larry wants to now ur number is that okay lol
Reply
:icongizardofmars:
Gizardofmars Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't have a cellphone. :/
But he can add my FB or something? lol
Reply
:iconfluffyspikes:
FluffySpikes Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
okay :) his name is larry enlow, he's going to be happy to add you! ^^
Reply
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